Thirty-three suggestions for those who misses 'the good old Navy days':

  • Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the
    curtain, shine a flashlight into your eyes, and mumble, "Sorry. Wrong rack".
  • Don't eat any food which doesn't come from out of a can or needs to have water added. Drink only Kool-Aid or powered milk with your meals.
  • Paint all of the walls inside of your house pea-green, the ceilings a dirty-white, & all of the stairways gray. Number all doors and windows and mark them "X", "Y", or "Z".
  • Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. When you take a shower, have someone in your family shut off the water immediately after you finish soaping.
  • Repeat back everything anyone says to you.
  • Anytime that there is a thunderstorm, go sit on a wobbly rocking chair and rock back and forth as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Then continue to rock.
  • Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High".
  • Don't watch TV (except movies) in the middle of the night. Also, have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.
  • Don't do your laundry at home. Pick the most crowded Laundromat which you can find & do your laundry there.
  • (Optional for ex-Engineering Types): Leave your lawnmower running in your living room six hours per day for optimal noise & exhaust levels. 
  • Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
  •  Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.
  • Sleep with your dirty laundry.
  • Invite guests for dinner but don't have enough food for them.
  • Once per week, blow compressed air up through your chimney, making sure that the wind carries the soot across and onto your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he curses you.
  • Buy a trash compactor and only use it once per week. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.
  • Wake up every night at midnight and have, if anything, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (Option: canned ravioli or cold soup).
  • Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator.
  • Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can. The run out into your yard and break out the garden hose.
  • Once per month take every major appliance in your house completely apart and then put them all back together again.