Standing at quarters one morning while stationed aboard the USS Adroit.
"STEPHENS?" "Present, sir."
"SEEBACK?!" Still nothing.
The division Chief whispered into the Lieutenant's ear, "Sir, turn the paper over."
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"Yours is ."
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the fieldand civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,"What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. ... If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
The first Marine said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second Marine said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, the barbers were reaching for some after shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
The Pentagon recently realized it had too many generals and decided to offer early retirement bonuses. They promised any general willing to retire immediately his full annual benefits, plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first general to volunteer was from the Air Force. He asked the pension clerk to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second man, an Army general, asked the pension clerk to measure from the tip of his up-stretched hands to his toes.
Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
The third general was a grizzled old Marine from Texas. He told the pension man, "Son, I want you to measure from the tip of my penis all the way to my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider; pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received.
The Marine general insisted, "No sir, you heard right. Go ahead and measure."
The pension expert said that would be OK, but that he'd better get a medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer attended and asked the general to "drop 'em." He did and the medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back.
"My God!" the medical officer said, "Where are your testicles?"
"Vietnam," the general replied. sevisysinformation systems www.sevisys.comRoger L. Sevison 602.478.9607