Thou shalt have no other God except
thyself; after all, it's thy self-esteem that counts. If thou doth not
love thyself, who will?
Thou shalt not make any graven
image out of any substances which cannot be recycled.
Thou shalt not take the name of
liberals in criticism, including feminists, racial minorities, or any
person who thinks he is a victim of America.
Remember the anniversaries of Roe
vs Wade and Anita Hill's testimony before the Senate Judiciary
Committee, and keep them holy.
Honor thy mother. If she is
dysfunctional, it is thy father's fault.
Thou shalt not kill. With these
exceptions: life forms under the second trimester, and those opting
for medically assisted suicides.
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Unless thou aspires to high political office, uses a condom, or cannot
Thou shalt not steal. Unless thou
art disadvantaged or upset with a jury verdict.
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Unless thou art discussing the history of the 1980's, art campaigning,
or can afford good legal counsel in the event that thou art
Thou shalt not covet. Unless thou
art the victim of gender-related oppression or institutional racism,
or art still angry with Reagan's tax cuts.
Always hide the real truth about
Never admit who or what thou really
art when campaigning for office.
Always blame someone else for what
thou doest - even so far as to blame the entire society.
Thou shalt oppose all punishment -
except when conservative Republicans or religious right people